Foreword: From My Heart to Yours...

“Do not wait for someone else to come and speak for you. It’s you who can change the world.” – Malala Yousafzai

My Dear Friend,

If you’ve picked up this book, it’s likely because, at some point, you’ve been made to feel small in a world that promises love but delivers conditions. Perhaps you’ve been told that being yourself is somehow wrong - that you must choose between who you are, or what you believe, and the acceptance of those you love. Maybe, like me, you’ve sat across from someone you trusted, someone who raised you, only to hear words that cut deeper than any outright rejection ever could: “I love you, but...”

If so, then this book is for you.

It’s for every person who’s been asked to shrink, to hide, or to compromise their truth for the comfort of others. It’s for anyone who has been told that questioning authority is rebellion, that seeking affirmation is selfish, or that setting boundaries is ungrateful. It’s for those of us who have lived in environments where love is wielded like a weapon, and silence is a deafening reminder that we’re not enough.

I know the weight of that silence. I know how heavy it feels to carry the burden of someone else’s disapproval, to wonder if the problem is you - if you’re too much, too different, too broken to be worthy of love. But here’s the truth: the problem was never you. The problem is a system that distorts love into a set of conditions and expectations, teaching us it must be earned rather than something we deserve simply by existing.

When I was growing up I didn’t have a book like this. I didn’t know how to push back when words like sinful or ungrateful were used against me. I didn’t know how to respond when my family’s love felt like a double-edged sword - a source of both comfort and pain. I didn’t know how to untangle myself from the guilt, shame, and fear that my particular sect of Christianity had wrapped around me like a vice. So, I stayed silent. I endured. I "tolerated".

I used to think speaking out would be disrespectful to my family, or that addressing young people may only play into the fear-based narratives that are so pervasive in our society today - ones I didn't want anything to do with.

But, over the years, as the rift between my mother and I grew as wide from silence, "tolerance", and avoidance as the rift in our society has, I’ve recognized: My silence has only been for my own comfort and convenience. My silence isn't protecting us. It's protecting the people who are hurting us. I've enabled. I've become complicit. And I've handicapped my own life in the process.

It took me years - decades - to find the words I needed to defend myself. Years of therapy, hard conversations, heartbreak, and healing to see clearly through the gaslighting, manipulation, and twisted logic of “love with conditions.” Now, I want to share what I’ve learned with you.

This book isn’t just about my story. It’s about the larger systems and cultural frameworks that distort love into something oppressive. It’s about the universal struggles faced by anyone who dares to be different. Whether it’s teens in the Middle East questioning their Muslim faith under the threat of severe consequences, women fighting for basic freedoms, Uyghurs in China, or those in the U.S. who experience rejection simply for challenging their family’s political or cultural norms - the root cause is the same. It’s a world where love is twisted into conformity, and individuality is treated as a threat.

This book is a roadmap. It is my testament to the power of True Love. It’s a collection of conversations - inspired by the ones I’ve had with my own mother - and, by extension, the evangelical worldview that shapes her beliefs and the beliefs of many well-meaning but misguided Christian Americans. It’s also a reflection on my firsthand experience visiting and studying cultures around the world, where suppression of expression and identity manifests in ways both subtle and extreme, linking conformity to tribal identity, safety, and belonging.

These pages expose the tactics used to control, guilt, and shame us - and, more importantly, how we can resist them. Think of it as an instruction manual for reclaiming your voice, your self-worth, and your freedom.

Let me be clear: this book isn’t about fixing relationships with people who refuse to see you. It’s not about making them love you or forcing them to change. You can’t make someone see the light if they’re determined to keep their eyes shut. But you can learn how to protect yourself - how to see through their manipulations, set boundaries, and walk away when you need to. You may have been taught that you need to convince others you’re right - even about who you are or what you believe. You don’t.

Some of you will find reconciliation with those you love. Some of you won’t. Either way, my hope is that you’ll find something even more important: peace with yourself. Because no matter what they’ve told you, you are not broken. You are not sinful. You are not a disappointment. You are whole, worthy, and loved - exactly as you are.

To everyone who dares to be different: this book is my love letter to you. It’s the guide I wish I’d had when I was younger. It’s proof that you’re not alone, that your voice matters, and that you are strong enough to carve your own path - even when those who should have walked beside you choose to stay behind. This is my way of breaking the silence and refusing to be complicit in ongoing harm through inaction or ignorance.

It is my hope that your life is filled with love and peace in heart and mind.

Let's begin.

In Solidarity,
Steve