Introduction

Look, let's get something out of the way upfront: this isn't about asking you to change your beliefs or moral code. I mean that sincerely. If you believe your faith calls LGBTQ+ people to remain chaste, that's not incompatible with anything you'll read here. No major denomination's interpretation of scripture conflicts with what this pamphlet has to say.

Instead, this guide is about words - and how easily our language gets in the way of truly understanding each other. Maybe right now you feel worried, confused, or even fearful about what your child being gay, lesbian, or bisexual means. Maybe your child has said things that deeply upset or worry you, or maybe you've said things that unintentionally hurt them, even though that wasn't your intention.

Here's why conversations about sexuality and identity between Christian parents and their LGBTQ+ children often feel impossible:

When you hear words like gay, lesbian, bisexual, or sexuality, you might immediately think about actions - about things people do, about lifestyles or behaviors. But here's the critical insight: when your child says these same words, they're not describing actions or lifestyles at all. They're describing something internal - feelings, attractions, emotions, and identity. In a Christian context, think of it as the difference between experiencing temptation and committing a sin. Temptation itself isn't sinful - it's human.

But when your child hears statements like, "Love the sinner, hate the sin," or "Homosexuality is a sin," they don't feel you're rejecting actions or choices - they feel you're rejecting who they fundamentally are. They feel your love and acceptance are conditional. They haven't actually done anything at all - so what is the sin exactly? Who they fundamentally are? And that is why conversations end in silence, tears, or arguments instead of understanding.

I know you're likely feeling afraid - afraid for your child’s future, afraid of what this means for their faith, and even afraid of being misunderstood yourself. Those fears are real, understandable, and valid. But here's the good news: understanding and genuinely loving your child does not require compromising your values. It does, however, require clarifying some language and genuinely listening to each other.

This short guide is meant to help you clearly see the differences between what you might hear and what your child might mean. It will clarify confusing terms, illustrate key misunderstandings, and give you practical suggestions for authentic and compassionate conversations with your LGBTQ+ child.

Because in the end, no matter your beliefs, you and your child both want something profoundly important: to love and to be loved, clearly and unconditionally.

So, if you're ready, let's talk.