Why Conversations Keep Breaking Down

Have you ever felt like you and your child are speaking completely different languages - even though you're both using English? If so, you're not alone. Conversations between Christian parents and their LGBTQ+ children often break down because each side hears very different meanings behind the same words.

Consider this simple example:

• When a Christian parent hears the word "gay," they often immediately think of certain behaviors or lifestyles - specifically, sexual acts. To them, "gay" or "lesbian" describes what someone does.

• When an LGBTQ+ child says, "I'm gay," they're usually talking about something else entirely - something internal and fundamental: their feelings, attractions, and emotional identity. It might not involve any action at all, especially for younger children or teens.

This creates an invisible but powerful misunderstanding:

• The parent might think: "My child is telling me they’re engaging in or planning to engage in behaviors that I believe are sinful."

• The child thinks: "I'm simply telling my parents who I am and how I feel. Why can't they accept me?"

Suddenly, both sides are hurt, confused, and feeling rejected - even though neither intended harm. When language becomes unclear, good intentions get lost.

Here’s another critical example - "sexuality." To many Christians, "sexuality" means "sexual actions." But to LGBTQ+ children - and most professional counselors, psychologists, and doctors - sexuality means far more. It includes attractions, emotional connections, identity, and romantic feelings - none of which necessarily involve sexual acts.

Remember your first crush? The butterflies in your stomach, your heart racing, your awkwardness, and excitement? Were you thinking explicitly about sex at that moment? Probably not. Yet, that experience is precisely part of what the word "sexuality" includes. It’s about connection and identity - not merely actions.

Why does this matter?
Because when we misunderstand these words, we misunderstand each other. It leads to painful conversations, broken trust, and fractured relationships.

But understanding these language differences clearly can begin to heal those fractures. In the next section, we'll unpack these key terms in more detail and clarify exactly what your child might be trying to tell you - so you can begin to hear and love each other more clearly.