Why Identity Is So Important

When your child tells you, "I'm gay" or "I'm bisexual," it can feel scary or confusing. You might wonder, "Why are they identifying with something I consider sinful?" or "Isn't this just giving them an excuse to embrace sin?"

These concerns are understandable. But let's pause and clarify something essential about what "identity" means and why it matters deeply to your child.

First, identity isn't about actions.
When your child uses terms like gay or bisexual, they're not describing a behavior or choice - they're describing something they experience internally. It's their way of naming a fundamental aspect of who they are and how they experience the world. This internal experience - these emotions and attractions - are not chosen. It's simply a part of who they are, much like personality traits or talents.

Think of it this way: A teenager who feels naturally shy isn't choosing to feel shy. They aren't saying, "I am shy," to justify never speaking up. They're naming a real and consistent experience so they can understand it better and deal with it responsibly.

Second, acknowledging identity leads to emotional health and authenticity.
For your child, saying "I'm gay" or "I'm bisexual" is a courageous act of honesty. It's their way of saying, "This is my real experience. This is who I am inside." When they hide or deny this truth, the emotional burden is immense. Anxiety, depression, loneliness, and even self-harm can become real risks.

By openly naming their identity, they relieve some of this emotional burden and open the door for honest, authentic conversations about beliefs, values, and behaviors. Identifying who they are doesn't encourage sin; it encourages self-awareness, honesty, and integrity - qualities that align with your desire for them to live moral, authentic lives.

Third, identifying their attractions helps them manage life responsibly.
Imagine another scenario: if someone identifies themselves as prone to addictive behaviors, it doesn't mean they're looking for an excuse to misuse substances - it means they recognize something important about themselves. This recognition empowers them to act responsibly and wisely.

Your child’s self-identification works similarly. They're saying, "These are my attractions and emotions, and now I can deal with them clearly and honestly." It doesn't mean they're choosing or pursuing actions you consider sinful. Instead, they're being self-aware, mature, and responsible about managing their feelings and choices in life.

In short, identity matters deeply. It's about authenticity, honesty, and emotional health. Your child isn’t embracing sin - they're embracing truth. And truth, even when uncomfortable, is the foundation of genuine relationship and growth.