"Lifestyle": What It Actually Means, and How It's Misunderstood

One word that often leads to unintended misunderstandings is "lifestyle." Let’s take a moment to clarify why this happens.

What "Lifestyle" Usually Means:

In everyday language, a "lifestyle" refers to choices about how someone lives their daily life - the kind of clothing they wear, what hobbies they enjoy, their favorite music, how they decorate their home, or what kind of car they drive. For example, someone might have an "active lifestyle" (exercising regularly, enjoying outdoor activities) or a "minimalist lifestyle" (living simply, owning few possessions).

How Many Christian Parents Use the Word "Lifestyle":

However, in many Christian communities, the phrase "gay lifestyle" or "homosexual lifestyle" has become shorthand specifically to describe behaviors or sexual activity. When a parent says they're concerned about their child adopting a "gay lifestyle," they're typically referring to behaviors they believe conflict with their moral or religious beliefs.

What Your Child Hears When You Say "Lifestyle":

But here's the crucial misunderstanding:
To your LGBTQ+ child, "lifestyle" still means everyday preferences - like style, interests, hobbies, or fashion - not moral or sexual choices. When they hear their identity described as a "lifestyle," it sounds to them like you're equating their very identity and feelings with superficial or chosen things like their fashion choices, slang terms they use, or the kind of music they prefer. It feels dismissive, confusing, and even unintentionally hurtful - as if their deep personal identity were something trivial, superficial, or easily changed.

Imagine if your natural attraction to the opposite gender was called a "straight lifestyle," as if it were just a preference similar to your favorite clothing style or your favorite food. You'd probably feel misunderstood and confused - your feelings aren't a casual choice; they're part of who you are.

Why This Matters:

Words matter deeply. When language leads to misunderstandings, conversations break down. You’re not "wrong" for using the word "lifestyle" as you have - it’s common in many communities. But understanding how your child hears it can help you have clearer, more productive conversations.

A More Helpful Approach:

When talking to your child, try to avoid the word "lifestyle" unless you specifically mean everyday life choices. If you're specifically concerned about certain moral decisions or behaviors, speak directly and clearly:

• Instead of, "I'm worried about your gay lifestyle," say something clearer like, "I'm concerned about decisions around sexual activity and relationships."

• Or simply ask questions, like "Can you help me understand what this means to you?"

This clarity creates better understanding, deeper trust, and more open, honest communication.