Common Questions You Might Have
After thinking about why identity matters, you probably still have some natural, lingering questions. Let's address some of the most common:
1. "Isn't this just a phase or attention-seeking behavior?"
This is a common and understandable thought. You might worry that your child is just following a trend or seeking attention. But studies, countless personal experiences, and expert psychologists consistently find that sexual orientation isn't something temporary or superficial. It's stable, consistent, and deeply tied to how someone experiences their emotional and social life.
Even if your child is young or uncertain, it doesn't mean their experience isn't real or meaningful. Listening openly and validating their experience creates safety and trust - even if you're unsure where exactly the road will lead.
2. "Does my child identifying as gay mean they're rejecting my faith or beliefs?"
Not necessarily. When your child says they're gay or bisexual, they're describing their internal experience, their emotions, and their attractions. They’re not automatically declaring a rejection of your beliefs, faith, or values.
Your child may feel deeply conflicted themselves - especially if they've been raised within a strong faith tradition. They may very much share many of your core values about love, faithfulness, honesty, and integrity. Expressing their sexual orientation is a way to be truthful about their emotional experience, not necessarily a statement of theological or moral rebellion.
3. "Does this mean my child is engaging in - or plans to engage in - behaviors I disapprove of?"
Simply put: No, not necessarily. Identifying an orientation doesn't automatically imply action or behavior. Orientation is about attractions, emotional connections, and identity, not necessarily behaviors or lifestyle choices.
Your child’s decision to share their orientation is about honesty. They're inviting you into their internal reality, seeking understanding and support, not necessarily announcing plans for certain behaviors. In fact, your openness to understanding them better increases the chances they'll engage honestly with you about difficult decisions, beliefs, and values.
4. "Am I responsible for my child's sexual orientation?"
No - you're not. Sexual orientation is not caused by parenting style, family dynamics, or childhood experiences. Decades of research have clearly shown that sexual orientation is a natural part of human variation, influenced primarily by biological factors rather than environmental ones.
You didn't cause this, and neither did your child. It's simply a part of who they are, just as your own orientation is a natural and involuntary part of your experience.
5. "Is it harmful or dangerous to encourage or affirm my child's LGBTQ+ identity?"
No. In fact, quite the opposite. Studies overwhelmingly show that LGBTQ+ youth whose identities are affirmed and accepted experience dramatically improved emotional, social, and psychological outcomes. Affirmation doesn't mean endorsing specific behaviors you might disagree with morally. It means simply recognizing their emotional truth and identity as real and important.
By affirming your child’s reality, you're creating a foundation of trust, openness, and honesty. And that's the best possible environment for navigating complex discussions about beliefs, values, and decisions.
