Practical Tips for Better Conversations

You've made it this far because you genuinely want a healthier, clearer relationship with your child. These conversations aren't easy, but they’re critical. Here are practical tips to help you talk about identity, attraction, and values with honesty, compassion, and openness:

1. Listen to Understand, Not Just Respond

It's tempting, especially if you're worried or upset, to immediately jump in with your own reactions or advice. But before speaking, just listen. Try not to interrupt or correct - just give your child space to explain how they feel.

Example: "Thank you for telling me. I’m listening, and I really want to understand how you're feeling."

2. Ask Gentle, Open-ended Questions

Instead of asking loaded or accusatory questions ("Why are you doing this to us?"), ask open, gentle questions that invite honesty and vulnerability.

Example: "can you help me understand what it’s like for you to feel this way?"
"When did you first realize this about yourself?"

3. Clarify Terms to Avoid Misunderstandings

Words like "gay," "bisexual," or "sexuality" might feel confusing or threatening to you. Rather than assuming, gently ask your child to explain exactly what they mean.

**Example: "**When you say 'gay,' can you explain a bit more about what that means for you personally?"
"Just to make sure I understand correctly, does this mean you’re telling me about how you feel, rather than things you're doing?"

4. Avoid Quick Fixes or Advice

As a parent, your instinct might be to immediately suggest ways to change, "fix," or solve your child's emotions or identity. Resist that instinct. Right now, your child needs validation and understanding, not solutions or fixes.

Example: "Instead of "Have you tried praying more?", try "That sounds difficult, and I'm here to support you while you figure things out."

5. Be Honest About Your Own Feelings, Gently

It's okay for you to feel confused, worried, or scared. Your feelings are valid, too. Share them honestly but gently, without blaming your child for causing them.

Example: "This is really new and hard for me, and I don't understand everything yet - but I want you to know I still love you, and I'm trying my best to learn."

6. Affirm Your Child’s Worth and Identity

Even if you're still struggling internally, you can affirm your child’s inherent worth, value, and your unconditional love. This provides essential emotional reassurance.

Example: "Even though this is hard for me right now, nothing changes how much I love you or how proud I am of who you are."

7. Seek Support from Trusted, Affirming Resources

This is difficult territory for any parent. Don’t navigate it alone. Seek out supportive resources, groups, or counselors who understand both your faith and your desire for a strong relationship with your child.

Example: Consider affirming pastors, counselors, or parent support groups specifically dedicated to Christian families navigating these conversations.