Chapter 7: Learning to Trust Yourself Again

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

Reclaiming the Compass Within

For years, you might have been taught to doubt your instincts. Maybe you were told your feelings were overreactions or that your perceptions weren’t valid. Maybe you had to rely on others - parents, authority figures, or even friends - for decisions about your life because questioning their judgment felt safer than trusting your own.

This experience is often referred to as gaslighting, and its effects can linger long after the moments themselves. Even when you’ve stepped away from those voices, you might find yourself second-guessing decisions, struggling to make choices, or feeling disconnected from your inner compass.

Learning to trust yourself again is a process, but it’s one of the most powerful steps you can take on your journey toward self-actualization. You already have the wisdom you need - it’s just about reconnecting with it.

Why Trust Gets Broken

When you’ve lived in environments where gaslighting or control were common, it’s easy to lose trust in yourself. This happens because:

Your Feelings Were Invalidated: When someone consistently tells you, “That’s not what happened,” or “You’re being too sensitive,” it’s hard not to internalize the idea that your feelings are wrong.

External Validation Was Required: If you grew up needing approval to feel valued, your sense of worth might have become tied to others’ opinions instead of your own.

Mistakes Were Punished: When mistakes are met with harsh judgment or shame, they can feel like proof that you’re incapable of making good decisions.

The Cost of Self-Doubt

When you lose trust in yourself, it can affect every area of your life:

Decision-Making Becomes Paralyzing: Even small choices feel overwhelming because you’re afraid of getting it “wrong.”

Boundaries Become Blurry: It’s harder to set boundaries when you doubt your feelings or priorities.

Your Voice Feels Small: Speaking up feels risky because you’ve been conditioned to second-guess your perspective.

But here’s the truth: the ability to trust yourself hasn’t disappeared - it’s just been buried. And with time and practice, you can uncover it again.

How to Rebuild Self-Trust

Validate Your Feelings: The first step in trusting yourself is learning to believe your own feelings and perceptions. Start by naming your emotions without judgment:

• “I feel hurt.”
• “I feel uneasy about this situation.”

Remind yourself: “My feelings are valid, even if others don’t agree.”

Start Small: Rebuilding trust doesn’t mean making huge, life-altering decisions right away. Start with small, low-risk choices:

• What do you want to eat for dinner?
• Which book do you feel like reading?

Each decision reinforces your ability to rely on your own judgment.

Reflect on Past Successes: Self-doubt often focuses on mistakes, but it’s important to remember your successes, too. Make a list of times you trusted yourself and it worked out well.

Separate Your Voice from Others’ Opinions: When making decisions, ask yourself:

• “Is this what I truly want, or am I trying to please someone else?”
• “How do I feel about this, separate from others’ expectations?”

Practice Self-Compassion: Trusting yourself doesn’t mean always being right - it means being kind to yourself when things don’t go as planned. Instead of harsh self-criticism, try:

“I made the best choice I could with the information I had. It’s okay to learn and grow.”

A Narrative Example: Trusting the Small Things

                                   PLACEHOLDER

For a long time, I struggled to trust my instincts. Even simple decisions felt overwhelming - like I was waiting for someone else to tell me what to do.

One day, a friend asked me to help them plan a trip. Normally, I would’ve hesitated, thinking, What if I mess this up? But instead, I decided to trust myself. I suggested places I loved, activities that felt exciting, and restaurants I knew were great.

The trip was a success - not because everything went perfectly, but because I leaned into my own perspective. That experience reminded me: I know more than I give myself credit for.

Exercises for Rebuilding Self-Trust

• Gut Check Practice
  • When faced with a decision, take a moment to pause and check in with yourself:
    • “What does my gut say about this?”
    • Trust the first feeling that comes up, even if it’s small or subtle.
• Journaling Prompt
  • Write about a time when you ignored your instincts. What happened? Then, write about a time you trusted yourself. How did that feel?
• Affirmations for Self-Trust
  • Repeat affirmations to reinforce your confidence:
    • “I am capable of making good decisions.”
    • “I trust myself to know what’s best for me.”

Reader Reflection Questions

Take a moment to reflect on your relationship with self-trust:

• What messages have you internalized about your ability to make decisions?
• What’s one small way you can practice trusting yourself today?
• How would your life look different if you fully trusted your instincts?

Final Thoughts

Rebuilding trust in yourself takes time, but it’s one of the most important gifts you can give yourself. Each time you validate your feelings, make a choice, or honor your instincts, you’re reclaiming the voice that was always yours.

The world is full of people who will tell you who to be, how to act, and what to think. But the voice that matters most is your own. Trust it - it’s been waiting for you all along.

In the next chapter, we’ll explore how to find chosen family, building relationships that affirm and celebrate the authentic you.